The Devil and the Saviour
by marianne in chains
Summary: ShinjixAsuka goodness. A drabble collection, updated as frequently as possible. Spoilers, gratuitous present tense, gratuitous Kaworu, general shenanigans. You know you want it. BACK IN ACTION, LADIES.
1. Grave: Ultimatum: Whisper

Dsiclaimer: Evangelion ain't mine.

A/N: YAY! NEW STORY! This is my set of drabbles. All are ShnjixAsuka, in a way. The first 30+ will all be 100 words, as that was the challenge. After that, they'll run up into the thousands (I hope.)

This will be updated daily, as I have a stock of them sitting on my computer. The )( )( signfy the title.

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)(Roses)(

I came to see you today. I brought you roses, because I know you like them. It's been three years now since I left you, and two since you left me. I remember when you told me to get out. "Fix it or end it," you said. It was the worst ultimatum you could give. And when you told me, you were whispering. You never whispered. But I listened, and I left. And then, you left and I became faithful - to your grave. Now, I love you. So come and get your roses, Asuka, before I take them back.

)(End)(

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Aww...depressing. Sorry to say, the next one is too.

Review, minna-san?


	2. Secrets: Slammed door: Cut crystal

Disclaimer: Not mine, never mine.

A/N: Drabble two! On time! -fanfare- Another note; the chapter titles are the rpompts that inspired the drabble. I'm not really fond of this drabble, but the next one is luff. Or, more luff than this. :D

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Leaving and Coming)(

The door shattered behind me as you threw the vase. I could actually feel the crystal shatter as contact was made. "Get out!" You were yelling. "Get out, you filthy lying bastard!" I raised my hands in submission, not even trying to explain the truth to you. As the door slammed behind me, I could hear you crying. Crying over some secret you thought I had, but I didn't. I didn't even think about coming back to comfort you as you cried because, and you knew this as well as I did, I'd be back before the week was out.

)(End)(

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Review, minna-san?


	3. Imposter: Swiftness: Irrational

Disclaimer: If it were mine, Kaworu would have a bigger part. So :P

A/N: I'm on time again. -dancedancedance- This drabble's set more in the TV Series time. Obviously Asuka P.O.V slightly less romantic, but still SxA in my opinion. (If that counts...) I'm actually pretty happy w/ this one. Yay for gratuitous present tense!

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)(Irrational)(

I feel like a lie. Like a person who isn't- an imposter. It's your fault, really. You and the way you look at me and 02. Any little glance from you and I'm in a rage; it's faster than a blink. You don't care, though. You stupid wimp. I know you think of _him_ whenever you look at _my_ Eva. Like it's my fault he's gone. No, it's yours, all your fault. You killed him. You, you, you. And I can't stand you blaming me. Maybe I'm a bit paranoid and irrational, but so are you Shinji, so are you.

)(End)(

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Review, minna-san?


	4. Forgiveness: Telephone: Laughter

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.

A/N: Still on schedule. -cheers- This one's a favorite of mine, for some reason. Not really much to say, except a huge THANK YOU to those that reviewed. -cookies-

Also, every 5-10 (I still have to decide) reviews, I'll do a request drabble. Then 5th or 10th reviewer leaves a request, and I write it.

Onwards to the drabble.

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)(Liar, Liar)(

"I'm sorry."

"I know." Her voice is rough over the phone line, scratchy like she's been crying.

"Are you OK?"

"I'm fine! Baka Shinji, I can take care of myself, you know!" I wince and hold the phone away from my ear, trying to preserve my hearing. She's too loud, too alive in a fake kind of way.

"….Asuka, I really am sorry."

"I know, I know. I forgive you. I really do." She laughs a little as she hangs up on me and I chuckle a little as I replace the phone. After all, we both know she's lying.

)(End)(

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Review, minna-san?


	5. Mirror: Blurry: Nimble

Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: Once again, on time. -bliss- Today's homecoming...and I got a date...45 minutes ago. XD Still, I am blissful. 4 review for this story, so the next reviewer gets a request drabble.

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)(Peeping Tom)(

The steam from the shower had fogged the mirror, and Asuka rubbed at it with the heel of her hand, to no avail. All she did was smear the glass some more, blurring her image. Asuka snorted angrily and scrubbed with the towel wrapped around her chest. The blue cloth slipped to her ribcage, but she paid it no mind. The glass was clean and she set about arranging her disheveled and damp hair for dinner. Suddenly something caught her eye and she screamed, throwing a brush at the door. Shinji dodged nimbly, chuckling as he ran to the kitchen.

)(End)(

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Review, minna-san?

((Minna-san is Japanese for everyone/you all...something of that nature.))


	6. Fading: Flame: Fizzle

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue

A/N: I AM SO SORRY! I broke my update promise. -dies- It's been a tough few days, ok? English paper isdeath

Updates (should) resume a kind of regularity...and a WAFF one should mysteriously appear. However, next month is November. National Novel Writing Month. That means this will either be completely ignored or obsessively updated. I don't know which. Be afraid, very afraid.

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)(Burning)(

Asuka and Shinji were two ends of the same candle, both burning, both dieing. Shinji was fading, had been fading since Yui Ikari had died, since Gendo dumped him on his uncle's doorstep. All this business with Evangelion and Asuka and Kaworu, Misato reflected, only had him fading faster than ever. As for Asuka, her flame was stretched so tall and so thin that Misato was positive the slightest gust of wind would force it to fizzle out. She wasn't sure which one would give out first, but she knew they would never reach each other- never quite make it.

)(End)(

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Much love to all reviewers!

Review, minna-san?


	7. Falling

Dsiclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: It would be on time, but screwed me over. :P By the way, you reviewers literally make my day. I 3 you all.

This is Asuka POV, my favorite POV, and I'm quite fond of it.

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)(Solitary Fragments)(

I know I'm falling. I can feel it inside of me as this dull ache whenever I stop long enough to think. It's been happening since we were fourteen, so it must be an awfully long way down. Sometimes, when I look over I can see other people, Wondergirl floating down at her own pace, Misato and Ritsuko waving from so much farther below us, and you watching me with some stupid look like I'm naked or something. You extend your hand to me, but I don't know why. You can't even help yourself; no way I'm grabbing onto you.

)(End)(

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I LOVE YOU ALL! (again)

Review, minna-san?


	8. Insomnia

Disclaimer: Eva is not mine

A/N: -dies- This is uber-late, I'm aware. My comp got a virus and I was grounded, so I was helpless. -sob- Hopefully the next few drabbles will make it up to you.

This one is a concept that I adore, but it didn't fit perfectly into 100 words.

The WAFF ficlet is in the works, so expect it in 5-7 days.

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)(Ceilings)(

When he was younger, Shinji looked at ceilings when he could not sleep. He remembers most of them, if not all.

When he was three or four, he remembers his aunt and uncle's grungy, off-white ceiling. It's a vague memory, but it's there.

From seven to thirteen, his memory contains vague flashes of teachers' ceilings, ceilings he can't really recall.

At age fourteen, he remembers several ceilings. The hospital, such a sterile white, the school ceiling, and Misato's ceiling. He remembers that one very well.

Now, he doesn't need ceilings, he reflects, as he buries his face in Asuka's neck.

)(End)(

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LOVE TO ALL MY REVIEWERS! YOU MAKE MY DAY!

Review, minna-san?


	9. Caught

Disclaimer: I may own a box set of the series, but it **actually** belongs to Gainax and those folks in Japan.

A/N: I am a horrible person. My updating has been slow, and the WAFF hasn't been started. I blame the latter on the fact that my MS Word died and I just now have it back. -joy- The deadline for that'll be extended, but update speed will hopefully pick up.

Onwards to the drabble!

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)(Busted!)(

Ritsuko looked at Misato. The other woman nodded slowly, and they closed in on the door. The room beyond was silent, seemingly empty. As Misato puta white hand on the doorknob, a wicked smile spread across her face. Ritsuko back off warily, but all Misato did was place her ear to the door. She could hear nothing, save ragged breathing. So she turned the knob and the two older women burst into the room. Asuka and Shinji hastily separated, their eyes wide and frightened like criminals when caught. At least he had the modesty to blush. "Busted." Misato drawled.

)(End)(

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Review, minna-san?


	10. Compromising Positions

Disclaimer: If I owned Eva, I would be Japanese, wouldn't I?

A/N: OMG! I'M SO SORRY! -tear- I've been a crap updater. But...I'll try to get better, really, I will.

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)(Not the Same)(

At the age of fifteen, Shinji Ikari was quite familiar with embarrassment. It came as a result of finding yourself in awkward moments, and positions, with far too many if your coworkers. He'd landed on top of a naked Rei, been faced with a nearly undressed Asuka, and been confronted with a less than sober and horny Misato. Hell, even he and Kaworu had...well…not that they had, but still. All in all, he was used to blushing, stammering, and generally panicking. So it completely baffled him that he was frozen when Rei found him with his hand up Asuka's shirt.

)(End)(

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LOVE TO ALL REVIEWERS!


	11. Chase: Lamppost: Sunset

Disclaimer: Eva not mine. Grrr

A/N: Oh! Fast update for once. This is an abrupt change from the happy, funny drabbles preceeding this one, but I still rather like it. Gratuitous present tense and lack of names.

A/N: The title for this is a knockoff of an anime song. Can you guess which one?

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)(Chase You Chase Me)(

She runs, breath raspy, jerked from her lungs too violently. Vividly blue eyes glance over her shoulder, past glossy red hair, to the young man chasing her down the street. She's laughing at him, her teeth glinting white against the dying sun. A lamppost in her path stops her, and she swings herself round and round. He finally catches up to her, out of breath, cheeks flushed. She smiles at him, bright and happy like he's never seen her before. Her hand lingers on his cheek; she's so close he can feel her breath. And, for once, he smiles back.

)(End)(

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Responses:

**nesza: **And yes, Shinji and Asuka are "active" people. Or at least, Asuka is.

**Bill:** Yes, Asuka is awake.

**Naon Tiotami:** Yay! I am happy to have converted you to drabble love. 3

**Dar Sel'La:** XD Yup, Asuka's probably not very happy with Wondergirl.

**Incognito girl:** Glad you find it amusing. :D

You guys all get cookies.


	12. Spoon: Broken tooth: String

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.

A/N: Yay! I've updated on time for once! -dance- This one isn't really SxA, but it amuses me.

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)(New Methods)(

Shinji was nervous. One end of the string was tied around a doorknob and the other end was fastened in his mouth. "Asuka….I really don't think this is how you are supposed take care of a broken tooth."

She glared at him. He trembled. "Hmph. Fine, untie it. I'll be right back." The way she said _right back_ terrified Shinji. He fumbled with the knot around his tooth, pondering Asuka's new method to administer dental aid to him.

He didn't have to wonder about it for very long; Asuka stood next to him, a spoon glinting menacingly in her hand.

)(End)(

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Responses

**Naon Tiotami:** Sankyuu. And, of course, no pressure. Heh. XD

**nesza:** Sap is fun.

**Arm-Slave:** Awwww, thank you. ...I don't think there are going to be many WAFF ones for a while.

**Jack:** Glad you like. And I'm not stopping it anytime soon.

**Incognito girl:** I'm glad.

**AgentKaji:** I WORSHIP YOU! Thanks for having such a high opinion of this. :DDD


	13. Birthday: Blossom: Stain on a shirt

Disclaimer: If Eva were mine, Kaworu and Shinji woud've...done something.

A/N: w00t! An update, and during exam week at that. x.x Latin done, English, Physics and Algebra 2 left. (I exempted History, thank God) If updates die, you should figure out why. My brain is already turning to mush. x.x

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)(Bystander)(

"H-happy birthday, Ayanami-san." Shinji blushed and stuttered, holding out his hands, clasped around something. Asuka watched in horror as Rei took the iris blossom form Shinji's hands carefully, and gave him a smile. A _smile._ Asuka was furious. Her nails bit into her palms until blood flowed. How could he-and to Ayanami, at that? She wiped her hand on her white shirt, not caring that blood leaves lasting stains. She needed a stain, needed one very badly. She needed it to remind her why she must hate Shinji and Ayanami. With a stifled sob, Asuka Langley Souryuu turned and fled.

)(End)(

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Uber-Nifty Responses

**Naon Tiotami:** Thank you. Characterization is always the hard part of fanfic...-.-

**AnimeGirl622:** I know, Eva was kinda lacking in comedy. I think the movies were the sort of sequel.

**vic:** OUCH! That sounds really painful. -holds teeth protectively- Yeah, Asuka's a sweethear tin her own...special way.

**Dar Sel'La:** Yeah, I'd rather have mine yanked out, too.

**Incognito girl:** I probably should, but the comedy ones are not going to appear for a long time now. ;;

**AgentKaji:** Alert list? -worship- Your reviews always make me happy.


	14. Train station: Soot: Dirty fingernails

Disclaimer: Eva does not belong to me.

A/N: I'm so proud of myself for updating pretty quickly. Midterms are almost done! -dance-

This drabble could be seen as a continuation of the last one, but it can also stand alone.

A/N: OMG! Fifty+ reviews. You know what that means? An extra-long one-shot full of ShinjixAsuka goodness. If anyone has a request, just leave it in a review.

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)(Dirty Boys)(

She sat on the train, her pale face seemingly calm and carefully unexpressive. Asuka's eyes flickered to the window briefly, looking out at the dirty station. She wasn't looking for him, just thought he might've cared to show up. It was obvious now that he didn't care about her in any way and that she was perfectly justified. Still, as the train began to lurch forward, she turned. And she saw him. He was raising one sooty hand with blackened fingernails, her name dying on his lips. With a 'hmph', she turned away. Anyway, dirty boys just weren't her type.

)(End)(

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Responses

**AnimeGirl622:** Yeah, Asuka seems the type to do something like that.

**TaNia:** Thank you:D

**AgentKaji:** Yeah, Shinji really is clueless. Sankyuu for the encouragement. I need it.

**vic:** Well, Asuka is rather sensitive...

**Arm-Slave:** Poor Asuka indeed.

**TaNiSaKu:** Yeah, I think if Shinji gave her a present she'd be quite happy. Maybe not on the oustide, though...

**Andy:** Whoa. Four reviews! They're quite a nice couple, not my ultimate fave, but sooo fun to write.


	15. Turned around

Disclaimer: Eva does not belong to me.

A/N: Sorry this is so late. -wail- My computer's been having problems; I'm using my grandparents' right now. Heh. THe extra-special one is being worked on...but with my screwed-up comp it's going to be a little while coming. Grar. I'm not really fond of this drabble.

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)(Not That Bad)(

Shinji hated dancing. Hated it with a burning passion. So how he found himself standing in the middle of Misato's apartment with Asuka in his arms was a bit of a mystery. Also, where she got the music baffled him. "Shinji?"

"Hmmm?"

"Will you twirl me?"

"W-what?" Her request stunned him for a moment; she didn't usually ask for things.

"You know, spin me around."

"Umm…" he glanced behind his shoulder nervously, " all right." So he turned her around and around and it really wasn't all that bad, at least, not as bad as he thought it would be.

)(End)(

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Nya! Responses!

**Master of Anime:** They'll get longer one day, but these are all old prewritten pieces done for a community that is based around 100 word drabble.

**Arm-Slave:** Indeed, poor Shinji.

**AgentKaji:** Thank you for the well-wishing...I'm going to need it. -death by physics- I just can't help abusing Shinji, he's just begging for it, IMHO.

**TaNiSaKu:** Thank you! Longer chapters will show up one day, they will! -fooling self-

**Naon Tiotami:** S'ok, we all have our moments of exhaustion. And I wouldn't shoot you for not liking SxK. ;; It's just not for everyone. (It is for me though. )

**Andy:** Um...I really have no idea. XD

**Incognito girl:** The dirty fingernails were just something that Asuka was using as an excuse for leaving, as a way to justify over-reacting and running away.


	16. Orphans

Disclaimer: I haven't been the best of people this year, so I doubt Eva's going to be under the tree for me. Oh well.

A/N: Well, my computer's finally working again. Also, in a few days, The Devil and the Saviour will be available on evafics (dot) org. It will stille be up here, and this'll be where the updates will happen first, I should think. As for this drabble, I liked the concept, but it falls flat at the end. >> I need to go back and re-write this, but that probably won't happen in the near future. Oh well.

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)(Differences)(

"You know, Shinji, I just realized that I was the only orphan to pilot an Eva." He opened his mouth, but she shushed him. "Rei doesn't count, Shinji. She was created. It's different." He nodded."

"Your father was still alive then." Shinji grimaced as he thought of Gendo Ikari. But he nodded for her to go on.

"As far as I can recall, Toji's father was still alive." He confirmed her question with yet another nod.

"And, no, Kaworu doesn't count either. He was an Angel, for Heaven's sake! Quite literally, too." Shinji chuckled at this, and Asuka laughed too.

)(End)(

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**Naon Tiotami:** Shinji hates dancing because it makes him feel awkward, I guess. He seems like the type to feel that way.

**J.G the Game Master:** Yeah, they both deserve happiness. Whether they get it or not, however, is an entirely different matter.

**AgentKaji:** Hmm...it certainly seems that cute 'n fluffy are more popular than angsty. Glad you liked.

**Arm-Slave:** Sankyuu.

**Andy:** It was a reference, though I didn't catch it until after it was written. Heh.


	17. A death in the family

Disclaimer: I didn't get Eva for Christmas. Darnit.

A/N: Well, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas (if they celebrate it). So here's a mildly amusing little drabble that's low on the fluff.

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)(Memorial)(

"Asuka, why are you crying?"

"It's a funeral, you insensitive bastard!" Asuka sniffled, wiping her streaming eyes on a NERV-regulation hanky, a memory of the 'good old days'.

"I really don't think that you, Misato and me getting drunk at this old place constitutes a funeral."

"Well, it's a wake, then." Asuka blew her nose loudly, causing Shinji to jump.

"I'll go get some more beer, then." A distraught Misato stumbled out of the apartment.

"…I still don't see what the fuss is."

"He died!"

"So?"

"He was there for us, through thick and thin!"

"…He was a penguin, Asuka."

)(End)(

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Responses:

This time, I'm not gonna do responses, 'cause I'm too sleepy/lazy to do so. However, MUCH LOVE goes out to all those who reviewed the last chapter.


	18. Shuffle: Naked: Glee:

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion.

A/N: This could be a continuation of /Birthday. Blossom. Stain on a shirt./ Yay for Asuka being all glad at others' misfortune. Sorry this is so late, but I've got no excuse, really.

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)(Rejection)(

Shinji was depressed. It wasn't visible to the naked eye, but Asuka had spotted it in the way he shuffled. It wasn't like she was, you know, stalking him or anything. She had just noted some of his habits. Shinji had just turned into a corridor that was rarely used, and Asuka knew it was time to strike. She crept up behind him, a gleeful smile on her face, and tapped Shinji on the shoulder. He whirled around, eyes wide in panic. "What, Asuka?"

She growled at his tone of voice, but the smile stayed. "Wondergirl rejected you, didn't she?"

)(End)(

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Thanks to the following: **nesza**, **Naon Tiotami, Incognito girl, Dar Sel'La, AgentKaji, pharitse, **Jack, Andy, **TaNiSaKu.**

You guys rock!


	19. Noisy: Favorite: Playful:

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. How sad...

A/N: Yay for a fluffy drabble! Well...not angsty, really. And an on-time update. I'll put another drabble out tomorrow, but crew starts Wed. so I'll be irregular again. Heh.

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)(Possibilities)(

Asuka and Shinji had the apartment to themselves that day; it was simply too noisy for Misato. They were out in the 'living room', laughing uproariously. Over what, Asuka couldn't recall; she was just happy that she had gotten the other pilot to actually laugh. The boy didn't relax enough. Suddenly, she leaned over, her face below Shinji's. "Am I your favorite?"

"W-what?"

"Am. I. Your. Favorite?"

"My favorite what?"

"Favorite person, favorite pilot, whatever you want."

"I…guess." Shinji swallowed nervously, his mind filling with possibilities, not all of them pleasant.

"Good," Asuka purred, licking her lips. "I'm feeling playful."

)(End)(

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Shout-outs to: **AgentKaji, Naon Tiotami, deathrosekitty, **and **Webknight!**

Thanks!


	20. Station: Golden: Wing

Disclaimer: I don't Eva. If I did, I wouldn't bother writing this.

A/N: Not too late with this one, surprisingly. Maybe I've just gotten better at staying awake. Heh. So, this drabble is not romantic at all, but more sort of Asuka profile sort of thing. I dunno. Maybe I was under the influence at the time. Romance and other fun things like that return next drabble.

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)(Epiphany)(

Asuka Langley Souryuu had an epiphany that day. She was watching Shinji Ikari, in the aftermath of the destruction of Instrumentality. He had been walking away from her: she was watching his back like she expected wings to burst from it.

As she stared, she saw something she should not have seen. Shinji was wreathed in a golden, almost heavenly, light. It seemed, to her, that he could be the Saviour everyone claimed he was. For a moment she knew her station was below him.

Asuka Langley Souryuu had an epiphany that day. And she threw it to the wind.

)(End)(

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MUCH LOVE TO: **AgentKaji**, **Incognito girl**, **Naon Tiotami, Dar Sel'La**, **nesza**, Andy, and **PandaAttack**


	21. Vengeance had a way of coming home

Disclaimer: Eva is not mine, not matter what I wish.

A/N: Yay for actual romance, ya know? This one is a bit screwy, 'cause the vengeance is ambiguous. I mean, like, how she takes everything out on Shinji. Just to clarify things.

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)(Happy With)(

Vengeance had a way of coming home, she realized. Maybe she had lashed out at him a little too harshly. Not that it was her fault; it's just a maybe, hiding in the back of her mind. It was just that now seeing him with_ her_, she thought that she should have gone easy on him. But now, she knew, it was too late. Somehow, he had opened her up and what he had seen made him happy. Happy with Ayanami, not with her. Never with her. She marched up to the couple and pulled them apart.

And kissed him.

)(End)(

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I ETERNALLY WORSHIP these people: **AgentKaji**, **Dar Sel'La**, **Incognito girl**, Andy, and **Magtec**


	22. I had a hard time staying upright…

Disclaimer: Same thing it's been for the past 21 chapters.

A/N: This is a fairly self-explanitory drabble. (Asuka POV) So, onwards.

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)(Unexpected)(

I had a hard time standing upright afterwards. I hadn't been expecting it, that's for sure. Sure, I had kissed him before, but that was a one-time thing. I hadn't expected him to take it seriously. But he's a complete idiot, so of course he had to.

…I didn't know he could kiss like that. Where'd he learn that, I wonder. Not from me. Not from Rei. Not from Misato, I hope. It can't be natural talent, that's for sure. Unexpected? Yes, it was. Forceful? Yes. Just the way I like it? Yup. And it knocked me offa my feet.

)(End)(

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Love to all reviewers. (too tired/lazy to write anymore. XD)


	23. She licked her fingers slowly…

Disclaimer: See earlier chapters.

A/N: A few days later, but no worry. Heh. This one's a bit odd, to say the least. The original concept was tossed out the winod very shortly. Not one of my favorites, but another drabble should be out tomorrow.

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)(Breakdown)(

She licked her fingers slowly, letting the red substance dribble down her lower lip and along her neck. Shinji backed away slowly, praying that she hadn't seen him. He hadn't thought she'd have another breakdown, and if she did, she wouldn't go all psychopathic. Apparently, he was wrong. Dead wrong. Soon to be just plain dead.

"Shinji?" Her voice was seductive and silky-sweet. Blood was running freely down her face now; he didn't know whose. But he knew it would be his soon. Back away, pretend he didn't hear her.

"Shinji, my /love, where are you?" He froze; she struck.

)(End)(

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To the reviewers: THANK YOU!


	24. It all began so innocently

Disclaimer: See earlier chapters.

A/N: So glad to see everyone 'liked' the creepy Asuka drabble. This is also bizarre, but less...err...violent, I suppose. It's still quite odd though, and, of course, Asuka POV.

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)(Need)(

It all began so innocently, a peck on the cheek, a brief touching of hands, nothing more. Then it was caresses, hugs, real kisses when we had a minute or two to spare. And then something snapped, either in me or in him; I'll never know for sure. But suddenly it was feel-ups, make-out sessions or almost-sex in empty classrooms, anywhere in the apartment so long as Misato was out getting smashed with Ritsuko.

It's not that I like _him_, per se(1). I like it. I need to feel alive, heated under him, 'cause I'm not real any other way.

)(End)(

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I HEART ALL MY REVIEWERS!

(1)- This might be 'per say'


	25. “I didn’t do it!”

Disclaimer: See previous chaps.

A/N: I'm back! Updates will, sadly, continue to be sporadic due to my now-limited computer access. -sniff- I actually like this one, in all its vagueness. Yay.

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)(Alone)(

"I didn't do it!" Tears pricking blue eyes, throat rubbed raw by stifled sobs.

"Then who the hell did?" Hands balled into fists, far beyond the twitching phase. He's angry; she knows. In eight years he hasn't yelled at her like this. "You're the only one still living with the security pass! How could it not be you?"

"Why does it matter? I thought you loved me!" Angry and hurt and wanting to run into someone's arms. But _he's_ not coming back.

"Maybe I don't, Asuka, maybe I never did." Calm and walking away now, he'll let her cry alone.

)(End)(

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I know I've been sucking at properly thanking reviewers, but..ehh...sorry. MUCH LOVE TO ALL WHO REVIEWED.


	26. She sighed heavily…

Disclaimer: See earlier chaps.

A/N: Late, again. Oh well. At least this isn't as angsty as the previous one, which won't ever be continued, sorry. This one's a bit odd, but I'm rather fond of it.

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)(Reasons)(

She sighed heavily, her head cradled in her palms. It had been a hard morning, full of client who just would not shut up. Sometimes, she wondered why she worked there at all. Her head turned and she caught sight of a framed picture of a little girl with red hair and blue eyes. She was very pretty, the spitting image of her mother. But there was something muted and afraid and too timid about her; she was Asuka outside and Shinji inside. And, really, Asuka wouldn't have it any other way.

Oh yeah. That was why she worked here.

)(End)(

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You reviewers really do make my day. THANK YOU!


	27. Fantasy

Disclaimer: See prev. chaps.

A/N: -sniff- Sorry this is so late, and the next one probab;y won't be 'till Sunday, if that. Anyway, I adore this one, for some reason, but the pairing might get me shot. Heh.

---

)(Dress Up)(

When Asuka was little, before her mother died, she would play dress up. She stopped that when she became a pilot; she grew up too fast. She still thought about it, from time to time; she was a knight in a bright red plugsuit, or a princess trapped in a horrible beast. When she first heard of Shinji, she thought she would finally have a comrade in arms or a princely rescuer. Then she met Rei. And everything fell apart. Because he already had a princess, in white and blue and those goddamn red eyes.

Asuka doesn't play dress-up anymore.

)(End)(

---

THANKS! to all reviewers for sticking with me, despite my slow updating.


	28. Coffee: Lurking: Ring:

Disclaimer: See earlier chaps.

A/N: I am SOOOOOOOO sorry for the long absence. I was without a computer for a week, and now I cannot login to fanfiction from my computer, so I'm doing it at school. THerefore, updates will be infrequent. (Plus, I have to write the drabbles.) This one is quite cute, I think, and I"m rather fond of it.

---

)(That's Not Me)(

Asuka sips her coffee, surveying the room around her. She hasn't been here since, what, ten years ago? She feels like Ritsuko, lurking behind her mug, sneaking glances at Shinji as he walks around the compound, the ghost of his father dogging his steps. She remembers how Ritsuko would watch Gendo, her lust barely veiled, when she thought no one noticed. Asuka doesn't want to be Ritsuko, doesn't want Shinji to be Gendo, doesn't want them to be _like that_. Then she notices the ring on her finger- gold, set with diamonds- and smiles to herself.

She won't be Ritsuko.

)(End)(

---

I ADORE ALL YOU REVIEWERS. You are what keeps me writing this.


	29. Stubble: Quirk: Moist:

Disclaimer: see earlier.

A/N: Oh boy, more angst. And a late update. And a math test tomorrow on **hard** stuff (logs, e, ln, etc.). -death- I wantto put up something cutesy for Valentine's day, but it probably ain't gonna happen. Sorry.

---

)(The Perfect Man)(

Shinji is growing stubble, against his will. He doesn't like it, all rough and scratchy and far too similar to his father. Asuka insists on it, however, and he obeys her. She will never tell him, but the stubble reminds her of Kaji; some quirk of hers refuses to let her let him go. What he doesn't know won't hurt him, and Shinji isn't the jealous kind anyway. So she kisses him gently, his lips moist on hers, stubble rough on her face. And as she pulls away, she just can't help but picture her perfect man in his place.

)(End)(

---

-emits hearts of happiness- I LOVE REVIEWERS!


	30. Lipstick: Doorway: Rotate:

Disclaimer: Eva ain't mine.

A/N: Sorry for being so late, my computer won't allow me to log on, so I'm doing this during History. Heh. I like this one, though the last line is sorely disappointing.

Yes, THIS IS A DIRECT FOLLOW-UP OF THE LAST ONE!

---

)(Jealous Types)(

It turns out the Shinji is quite the jealous type. Asuka learns this when she steps into his office building to find a very undressed Misato in his lap, her lipstick smudged bright-red on his collar. She stares openmouthed and Shinji shrugs. "I just thought I'd be more like Kaji for you." She can't miss the biting edge in his voice, the way Misato can't stop shaking with suppressed laughter. So she flees, the rotating doorway spinning passengerless in her wake. The taste of tears is bitter in her mouth and Kaji's ghost won't stop chuckling at his little girl.

)(End)(

---

Thanks for sticking with me through everything. LOVE YOU GUYS!


	31. Lost causes

Disclaimer: Not mine. No sue.

A/N: OHMYGODI'MSOSORRY! I have managed to get thoroughly grounded; I can't even write on my computer. All of this was doen at school, which may explain the low quality.Spring Break is coming up, so updates might be more frequent. Thanks for sticking with me.

This drabble is too short, in my opinion, but whatever. THE FINAL FOLLOW-UP TO Stubble.Quirk.Moist and Lipstick.Doorway.Rotate. Enjoy!

---

)(Given Up)(

"Well, that could have gone better," Hikari murmured to Asuka.

"It would have been fine if he weren't such a selfish, unrepentant bastard."

"Of course, Asuka." Hikari shakes her head and stops herself from trying to convince Asuka otherwise. Shinji apologized far too much, true, but each 'I'm sorry' was more sincere than the last. She wants Kaji, he can't be Kaji, they can't forgive each other for that. So instead she places her hand on Asuka's arm and guides her away from Shinji and the café, daring a glance over her shoulder as he tries, tries, fails to follow.

)(End)(

---

a huge I'M SORRY to everyone and, of course, THANKS SO MUCH!


	32. Biting the bullet

discl.: not mine

A/N: AHHHHHHHH! My deepest apologies for being a lazy, lazy person. Unfortuantely, I don't think I'm going to be speeding up anytime soon. If your desperate to read stuff by me, random Spiral oneshots will appear at various intervals.

Onto this drabble, which is not as good as I would have liked it. Need more words to express myself. Bah.

---

)(Leave Me Screaming)(

Sometimes you just have to give into the pain, bite the bullet, and move on with your life. But the people that say that haven't realized one thing; it hurts a hell of a lot more than they know. You can't always find the bullet, and you end up biting right through your tongue, both literally and metaphorically. Shinji's still looking for the bullet, trying to avoid what everyone knows is coming. Insanity is, apparently, hereditary. Of course, so is being a total bastard. He must leave her. He does, but there's no bullet; it leaves both of them screaming.

)(End)(

---

hugs and kisses to reviewers


	33. Ghost: Dream: Whisper:

disclaim: not mine

a/n: on time, w00t! also, check out my new fic: shatterscape (kingdom hearts). now i'm done with self-endorsement. this one's kinda creepy. sorry. waff will come one day, i promise.

-

)(a certain slant of light)(

The ghosts get too loud for her some nights, and she screams and tries to dream. Her hands shove at bodies that aren't real; Kaji and Misato and Rei and Shinji. Always Shinji with his sad blue eyes and quiet voice that accuses her with its absence. She screams her voice raw, but there's no one there to help her, and her voice dies away to a whisper in the dark. "Don't hurt me. Please. I'm sorry. Don't hurt me!" The mantra of the living is her lullaby. But Asuka does not sleep anymore, the ghosts claiming her for themselves.

)(end)(

-

hugs and kisses to lovely reviewers!


	34. Cup of tea: Visit: Snag:

disclm: not mine

a/n: OMG TEH WAFF! well...the not-angst, anyway. and it's not that late. not as late as it could be. and...er...yay for dialogue.

--

)(Blush)(

She pours the tea gracefully, passing the cup to Misato. She gives the older woman an uneasy smile, and inclines her head as an invitation to speak. She laughs and leans forward.

"You don't want me here, do you?"

Asuka tries not to blush. "Well, he's coming over to visit in an hour or so, and-"

"And you want to time to get ready for him. Am I right?" Asuka blushes this time. "It's ok, I won't be the snag in your plans. Just make sure you're extra pretty."

"Thanks, Misato."

"It's Shinji, isn't it?"

She's never seen Asuka redder.

)(End)(

--

all my oreviewers make my day.


	35. Drowsy: Goldfish: Liquefy:

disclm: not mine.

a/n: this is horribly late, I know. But I have Tues. and Wed. off, due to exemption from exams (i is so smart) so expect more then. (Physics is Friday...so the weekend will be for the recuperation of my brain...and studying Latin. damn.) enjoy the um...weirdness...below.

--

)(Renaissance)(

He lies there in a drowsy stupor, watching the goldfish swim in circles. Something smells horrid, and he vaguely recalls that there was a sandwich under the couch cushion. It must have liquefied by now. The phone rings beside him as he stares with limpid eyes, wondering if maybe this time it will be her. One ring, two rings, three rings, a hesitant, "Hello?" He listens, the expression on his face carefully controlled. "Yes, of course. I understand. Sure." Click. An uncharacteristically broad smile crosses his face, and he begins to search for his shoes. "I'm coming, Asuka, I'm coming."

)(End)(

---

i love you reviewers who just keep coming back for more. YAY!


	36. Nascent: Slay: Cupcake:

disclm: not mine

a/n: -dies- Yes this is very late. Yes, I'm sorry. (I'm lazy and I had comp. issues) BUT THERE IS MORE SxA GOODNESS. That one-shot I mentioned, like, a year ago, is now completed. It's called 'Has No One Told You?' and is dedicated to you reviewers. ('cause I love you. )

--

)(Sugar-sweet)(

The nascent itch on Shinji's left wrist can probably be traced to the mosquito buzzing around his head. He idly waves his hand, knocking the insect the ground, slaying it. Now another noise captures his attention, a soft sound of contentment. He turns his head is faced with Asuka slowly stripping a cupcake of its icing. She looks up briefly, coquettish smile on her lips. 'Pure thoughts Shinji, pure thoughts. The mosquito. Think about the mosquito and ohmygod what is she doing with her _tongue_!' Whatever it is, Shinji can't help kissing her, smiling because she still tastes of sugar.

)(End)(

--

Love to the reviwers


	37. Blood

disclm: not mine.

a/n: a month later, DRABBLE. horribly depressing drabble, but drabble. i wrote a shinjixasuka one-shot, which will be up within a week. yay. love for all who've stuck with me.

-

)(Homecoming)(

Lying in the bed, Asuka looks like she might bleed if Shinji touches her. So he keeps a respectful distance in an uncomfortable chair and watches. A monitor beeps softly in the background, a lullaby for the dieing. All of the white makes Shinji uncomfortable and he shifts, fidgeting, as he waits. He can she the slow, gentle, rise and fall of her chest in time with the monitor. Even the drip of fluids into her veins through the IV keeps that same rhythm. The door clicks open, and Misato touches his shoulder softly. It is time to go home.

)(End)(

-


	38. Letters

disclm: not mine. ever.

a/n: zomg fast update!11 xD not as depressing, hopefully. a bit..err..bizarre, but w/e. i like it. onwards, dear readers!

-

)(Superstitions)(

Asuka sets pen to paper, letting the ink seep through. No words come, and she doesn't try to force them. Perhaps it will be like magic and everything will be perfect (it won't). 'I love you I miss you come home not asking again come home come home.' Ugly words, clumsy, awkward words, and still she uses them. The envelope, slim despite her note, is barren and white, staring at her. She doesn't know where he lives anymore. (they say…)She treads the long, winding path to her mailbox. (if you send a blank envelope, it will find your true love).

)(End)(

-


	39. Make a killing

disclm: not mine. don't sue.

a/n: omgilive! this is kinda lame-ass, but it is something. Really. xD

-

)(Advent)(

"Profits are up. We're making a killing, here." She grins and passes the report to Shinji, who gives it the once over before setting it down and cradling his head in his hands.

"This feels wrong, Asuka. I can't do this; we can't do this anymore."

"Why not?" She fists her hands on her hips and stares him down in a way that would have terrified him years ago.

"We're lying to them. They don't know what they're funding, what this facility actually does."

"It doesn't matter, Shinji. Either way, the advent is coming."

"Mmmm…"

"But we'll face it together."

)(End)(


	40. Reassurance

disclm: not mine.

a/n: I've had family in town. That's my excuse. omfg ReiShinji-ness. Not really. It's AS at heart. I mean it. (this isn't getting as much attention, b/c I'm onKingdom Hearts kick. WOO!)

-

)(For the First Time)(

Rei hesitantly twines her fingers with Shinji's, hoping the feel of skin on skin will reassure him. He turns and smiles weakly at her, before looking away and chewing on his bottom lip. She squeezes his hand lightly and gives him a hesitant grin, hoping it says what she cannot. His eyes meet hers for the first time in what feels like forever and his thanks lingers, unspoken, on his lips. Rei shakes her head, allows him to keep his silence. "Shinji." He looks at her again and smiles, for real this time.

"She'll be fine. I know. I know."

)(End)(

-


	41. Death and taxes

dislcm: NOT MINE. D:

a/n: this is so late. i'm sorry. i had it on a computer i couldn't get to until today. deepest apologies.

-

They say that the only things in life you can be certain of are death and taxes. Asuka knows better, but breaks from filling out forms for the latter as Shinji turns the doorknob. He takes two steps, removes his shoes (left, then right) and says (never shouts), "I'm home." He then hangs his coat in the closet and proceeds to the kitchen to start dinner preparations. It's been the same thing every day, without fail, for the past five years. Asuka, unlike most people, she figures, has not two, but three constants in her life; death, taxes, and Shinji.

-fin-


	42. A thin line between love and hate

late, i know, and not very good. oh well. school is eating my face. sorry.

-

)(The Eternal Romance)(

There is a thin line between love and hate. Asuka would know because she walked it for years. But tightrope walking is tiring, and Asuka isn't in the same shape she was when she was fourteen. So she closes her eyes and falls and wonders idly on what side she'll wake to find herself . Shinji's face swims into view, and his open hand, and she, for once, has no reservations about taking it. She is clasped in his arms, her head resting on his chest, and nothing has changed. They have always been, and always will be in love.

)(End)(

-

review, please.


	43. road trip

not mine. duh.

and yeah, i know, it's weird to see me update and with more than 100 words. well, i found new prompts and such, so it's all exciting, and i'm gonna update this baby like whoa. (read:daily) except for vacations to the middle of nowhere, LO. Because Louisiana is amazing. I like this one; much thanks to all who're still reading this. HEARTS.

-

)(going home)(

The clutch is rough in Shinji's hands, and he looks at Asuka warily as she climbs into the passenger seat. Suicide seat- watch out; it runs in the family. Her grin is wicked, and he knows that's how he got himself in this situation; offered to take her out to Kaji's watermelon patch in a car he couldn't really drive and found her with a gun to his head when they we finished eating, telling him to take her away. Of course, it wasn't so much a gun as her brightblue eyes, but the feeling was the same. Well, he thinks, maybe not a gun but an Angel with your hands at its throat (because that sensation is much more frightening than its opposite).

"Asuka," he tries to reason with her.

"Let's go." She shoves a few watermelons out of her lap, though how she managed to take that many is beyond Shinji's imagination. "I want to leave."

"Asuka…"

"You said you'd rather be dead than here. I don't want to be here anymore. Let's go to wherever our friends went."

"We have friends here."

"Rei doesn't give a damn about you, Shinji, and we both know it."

"But what if-"

"You think they'll just let us go? You idiot! Now, drive!"

"Asuka, I…" He doesn't try to argue with her, anymore, because she is right in her way. Rei looks beyond him to his father; he would rather be dead than back there, he had said that. But Asuka doesn't understand how easy it is for him to die.

"Let's go, Shinji," her voice is soft, and her hand is wrapping itself around his, "please?"

Maybe this time the sensation isn't so much a gun to the head as a soft smile-

_you are fragile, like glass._

_i love you._

He doesn't look back.

)(end)(


	44. roads

not mine, woez and tearz.

I know, I'm updating when I say I will for once. OHNOEZ. This is a continuation of the last one, but it ends here, barring further oddities regarding prompts. Ending is not supposed to be obvious, etc. Enjoy.

-

)(long road going)(

"Asuka?"

"Hmmm?"

"When are we stopping? Where are we stopping?" He was surprisingly calm, given that he had been driving with no idea of where he was headed.

"When we're far enough from Tokyo-3. I don't want them to see us."

"They'll find us anyway, Asuka."

"No. There's got to be a place- somewhere, anywhere- that they can't get to."

"Don't fool yourself," Shinji sighed, "they won't let us leave with everything we know."

"We don't know that much! And they'll just replace us, anyway."

"It's the principle of the thing, Asuka."

"Screw the principle!"

"That's not how it works." He shut off the conversation there, focusing on the aged roadside that was quickly approaching him.

_if he didn't have the will to keep on living,_

_(i loved him.)_

_then he deserved to die._

It is a long road home.

)(end)(


	45. halo slipping

on time again, WOOT. I do love this one. And, yes, I realize that this one is very un-ShinjiAsuka and quite ShinjiKaworu, but my inner fangirl rages and I must appease her. Also, I don't like people just tossing Kaworu out the window. D: Anyway, I do like this one.

-

)(room of angels)(

Shinji speaks to Hikari with a smile and a kind word, no matter how tired he is, or how angry, or how much he wants to break down. He feels it is his duty to be nice to her; the only way he has of making up for what he did to Toji. But today his smile is thin and wasted, his eyes dull, and he can't even look her in the eye. It seems as though he, not Asuka, was the one awakened from a coma.

"Watch it there, angel boy," Asuka whispers as soon as Hikari leaves to talk with Kensuke, "your halo's slipping."

"Don't ever call me that again." He turns on her, and for a second his face is bright with rage. She recoils.

"What? Angel boy? You know I don't mean the monstrous type. I'm talking about angels that look like us; pretty and perfect and o so sweet."

"Don't call me that, Asuka." The fight is ebbing out his voice; his eyes are tired again, looking beyond her to somewhere far away.

"Oh? Have a hit a nerve? Perhaps there's something you're not telling me? About the Seventeenth? Or was it the Fifth?" She grins wickedly, like the Devil Toji used to call her, and Shinji bites his lip softly.

"Asuka…"

"What? Was he that much better than me? That much more special?"

"Asuka…he…he was different than you, okay?"

"Better different!" Her raised voice draws the attention of the Class Rep, but Asuka shakes her head and whispers again. "Did you love him? Was he strange like that?"

"I," Shinji stiffens and blushes a little, "he…he was an angel."

"So you think that solves everything?" She hisses and draws him close, hand fisted in his shirt. "He was an _angel_. Of course, who could blame you?"

"Asuka, please, listen."

"Did you love him?"

"Just hear me out?"

"Did you?"

"Well, you see, it was-"

"Answer me, Shinji."

"Yes."

_please, mama, look at me. _

_oh, isn't a pity about that poor girl. _

She doesn't come home that night.

)(end)(


	46. bad joke

Blah, blah, not romantic, blah. Will be visiting family, updates resume Wed. Much love.

-

)(ironic)(

It must be some bad joke on fate's part, or maybe Gendo Ikari's, that everything has ended this way. Misato laughs to herself, a little hysterical, and little unbalanced, but that's ok because no one is left to care. Kaji, who had always reminded her of her father, had passed on and maybe he, too, had saved her. She was all alone and there was no one left to come and get her.

Pretty little Rei, on her third life now (maybe it will work out) doesn't know that she is the model for the Dummy Plug; she still believes that she can be more than a doll.

Proud Asuka lies, deaf and dumb, utterly defeated and broken, replaced again and again.

Shinji screams by her bedside, left by his mother and his angel and his devil and finally all alone.

Misato laughs and laughs, because someone has to see the humor in all of this.

)(end)(


	47. never be

wut. i don't know where this came from, but i'm back from the middle of nowhere. :D this is angsty and creepy and i'm sorry but the prompt was begging for it. and maybe it'll get happier latre.

-

)(never was, never will be)(

Shinji smiled at the girl curled in his arms, pressed his face into her bright red hair. She sighed into his collarbone and brushed her knee against his thigh. Shinji's skin prickled at the contact and his breath hitched. Asuka twitched against him again, chest pressed tightly against him; he could feel her breasts beneath her thin top. He bit his lip to stop from doing something he might regret, and tightened his grip on her. Her lips parted and he could hear her gasping, and a name lost somewhere in the empty air.

"Kaji…"

The illusion shattered, and he carefully extracted himself from her, and crept back to his room.

)(end)(


	48. sand

set in the 'angelic days' timeline. woot. nothing much else to see here.

-

)(laws of dynamics)(

When Asuka and Shinji were little, she was always the one pushing him in the sandbox. He should have realized, right then, that this was the path their relationship would follow for the rest of their lives.

In elementary school, Asuka was the one pulling his hair.

In middle school, she was the one blushing but still being over-protective and very, he would realize later, like Toji was with Hikari.

In high school, it was Asuka who asked him on dates.

In college, she was the one who decided that they would live together, and promptly informed him that he could only bring two boxes; her apartment was pretty small.

And when the minister told him, "you may now kiss the bride," it was Asuka who leaned in first.

)(end)(


	49. discovered territory

blahblah wee hours of morning here, technically late. i don't care; it's almost christmas.

etc. etc. i really do appreciate all reviewers.

-

)(worst case scenario)(

In 2028, the first colony on the moon was established. Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Souryuu were among the first civilian colonists chosen. She had demanded it of him, all bright blue eyes and pouts until he had agreed. Though he never mentioned it, there was little holding him back in the first place.

When they boarded the shuttle, the others were in a nervous flutter, checking their bags and wondering if the spacecraft would suddenly fail them. On impulse, Shinji gripped Asuka's hands and she laughed, leaning over to whisper something in his ear.

"It can't be nearly as bad as piloting an Eva, right?"

He was inclined to agree.

)(end)(


	50. black and white

blahblahlate. D:

yes, more of kaworu- i can't deny my love for him.

-

)(the orderlies)(

When he was younger, Shinji liked to believe that the world was black and white, right and wrong, mom and dad. Yui was sweet and kind and always asked Shinji how his day at preschool was. Gendo never had time for any of that.

After Yui's death, Shinji began to look at things in a shade of grey. Closest to white was Ayanami Rei, who, for reasons he would later discover, reminded him of his mother. Misato followed, because for all her drunkenness and careless attitude, she made sure he came home. Gendo was still his definition of 'wrong' and 'bad'; it was the only constant in his world.

Interestingly enough, it was only Kaworu Nagisa and Asuka Langley Souryuu who defied categorization. It is also worth knowing that they were the only ones he professed to love.

)(end)(


	51. incandescence

took a holiday vacation- Happy Holidays to all of you. 'm back now. yay.

-

)(nothing like)(

Asuka is bright, Asuka is brilliant, and Asuka is absolutely untouchable. Shinji can only look at her out of the corners of his eyes, because she is like the sun and he's afraid that she will burn him. He cannot bear to touch her for fear of becoming only ash.

She kisses him, and it is suddenly clear.

She is bright, she is brilliant, and she is nothing like the sun.

)(end)(


	52. motes of light

omg short. i'm tired and writer's blocked and whiny and feeling a bit abstract and introspective since it's 2 am. good night.

-

)(end of the world)(

At the end of the world there is no bang, no fire and brimstone, just falling lights. They stand together, three silhouettes against the stars around them. The first moves away, walking towards a shore the others cannot see. They do not follow her. They do not need the completeness she will find.

They have already found it in each other.

)(end)(


	53. instinct

so, RL has slapped me in the face. :D. schedule will be tues/sat/sun as i have free time those days. 'm very sorry for the delay, but added less introspection and more gettin' it on:D?

-

)(with me)(

It is natural- instinctual- to want this. She wants him against her, beside her, within her. She wants to feel him touch him breath him posses him. She wants wants wants him. But even as she wants him, she fears him. She fears the absence of him- his inevitable betrayal. So when he gives in to temptation and drags their lips together, her teeth fasten into his lip until he bleeds, and when their eyes meet there is no mistake.

He belongs to her.

)(end)(


	54. worship

hurr. short and i'm tired.

-

)(pygmalion and galatea)(

Shinji likes to put the ones he loves on pedestals. Rei and Kaworu, pale, pristine, red-eyed, and infinitely perfect, belong on pedestals. They live above that. Asuka does not. She wants to be told that she is beautiful, that she is perfect, that she is loved and worshiped and adored.

So she leaps from her pedestal (flashing Shinji on the way down) and into his arms.

)(end)(


	55. and a cherry on top

so, i'm very late. real life has been abusing me lately. D: anywaiz, i need y'all's opinion on something. if i put up a writing comm. on el-jay, would you watch/friend/stalk it? it woudn't just be eva stuff, but also kh, spiral, naruto, and whatever else catches my attention. any suggestions for fandom's that i should strike rape /strike adopt, are appreciated. enough of me talking, on to the drabble.

-

)(about us)(

On Sunday Asuka decides that they should go to the ice cream parlor. Shinji, as usual, offers no resistance and soon finds himself staring rather glumly at a linoleum countertop, toungue lapping at his plain vanilla cone sporadically. Asuka picks the cherry form the top of her fudge sundae and narrows her eyes.

Shinji shivers. Asuka is unnaturally quiet; this bodes ill. He looks up hesitantly and flinches as he meets her stare.

"Isn't it weird to be normal high-school students, Shinji-kun?" Her voice is sickeningly sweet.

"Yes...I guess it is. But it isn't like I miss piloting an Eva or anything!"

"I do." She smirks as his eyes widen. "It made life so much more," she pauses, twisting the cherry stem in her fingers, "interesting."

"That is one way of saying it, I guess."

"Oh, I forgot." She laughs, high and pretty and so _forced_ that it hurts to listen to. The cherry stem is fraying under her pressure. "You dont' have a college degree like I do. I've already been to high school, you know."

"I know, Asuka-chan." He tries to keep the strain from his voice, but he has heard. He has heard a million times since they were fourteen.

"But even without Eva, this time is still more interesting, since you're here." She blushes and stammers, kunckles going white and the cherry trembling in the air. "I mean, watching you fumble around like the dummkopf you are. It's funny."

"Oh." He looks down and can't think of anything to say to that. You'd think, after two-odd years, that he'd be able to stand up to her, but he can't. He never will.

The stem snaps in her fingers, and the cherry rolls to the floor.

)(end)(


	56. can't keep up

No, I didn't expect this to update either. Surprise!

)(dance dance dance)(

They still dance well together, one of the few things from their time with Evangelion that doesn't make them cringe or fight back tears. It's a bit of a surprise to their college friends, who are used to Asuka's blistering personality and Shinji's still rather apathetic take on everything.

It's at a dance held at a friend's sorority house that their superb coordination catches everyone's attention. Yes, they've spent the evening alternating between waltzes and club dancing all evening, in a seamless if unsophisticated way, but suddenly the DJ starts up an old song, not entirely unusual behavior, but something in its beat is familiar. They make eye contact and before either of them can force any words out ("oh god, is it really?" "I can't believe they actually made us dance.") they're moving in tandem.

It isn't really an aesthetically pleasing dance, but it's fast and it's brutal and everyone around them is completely astounded. Asuka actually kicks some guy in the back of the head but keeps going, and Shinji nearly slips on a spilled drink but somehow ends up right in sync with Asuka. Some unfortunate hotshot freshman decides to try and join them; he gives up within seconds, can't maintain their insane pace and focus.

As the song ends, rather abruptly, they collapse on floor, exhausted and laughing. "Oh my god," Asuka pants, "do you remember how much worse it was the first time."

And though mentioning their earlier days usually makes Shinji go dark around the eyes and tight in the mouth, he wheezes out a laugh. "Yeah, yeah, we fell asleep right there. I bet they still have footage of that somewhere."

"Misato probably has it, I'd bet."

"And she watches it whenever she's feeling down."

"We were pretty amazing, weren't we," Asuka says and she pulls herself off of the floor and offers Shinji her hand.

"Y'know, I think we were."

)(end)(


	57. dignity

So, I said I'd be updating, and then I went and did this stupid thing called going to college. Also calculus. Anyway, this is, uh, well, you'll see.

-

Asuka lies in her coma for four months after Instrumentality's failure. Shinji and Misato visit regularly, changing out the flowers on her bedside table, and Rei stops by once, to look at Asuka and touch her hand, before walking away.

The day she wakes up is a Wednesday, and Misato is busy, so Shinji comes to collect her by himself, to find her arguing with the doctors as vehemently as her unused vocal cords will allow.

"I'm perfectly fine," Asuka is insisting, even as the doctors try to explain that she needs to stay in the hospital for further examination and physical therapy.

"I've been under examination for months, and there's nothing I can do here that I can't do back at Misato's apartment!"

"But, there are certain machines, techniques…"

"I can learn them, and Misato can acquire the machines. Her position at NERV still holds enough clout," Asuka breaks off in the middle of what is threatening to become an epic temper tantrum when she notices Shinji. "Have you come to get me, then? Great, so, you see, I'll be leaving now." She waves off the doctors, who brush past Shinji with angry looks but do nothing to stop him.

"Asuka," he thinks of beginning, but only guides her into a sitting position and slowly, at her insistence, into a wheelchair.

"Take me home," she orders, and he obeys without a word, just plants his hands on the chair and stares into the decayed gloss of her red hair, torn between crying and laughing.

Misato is still gone when he lets go of her for a second to unlock the door, and so he has to bump her over the doorway on his own. From there she waves him off and begins to inch her way down to her room as Shinji stands still in place, listening to the squeak of her wheelchair.

Later that night Shinji wakes with a start, blanketed in cold sweat, creeps to his door and peeks out into the hall. He can hear a faint gasping sound, drawn and pained, from somewhere in the shadows, none of the sounds of his nightmares, though, so he cranes his neck and sees, almost gleaming from the faint kitchen light, Asuka's red hair.

She is crumpled on the floor, atrophied legs useless and tangled beneath her torso. With weak fingers she is trying to drag herself back to her room, biting back tears and screams of impotent rage. For a moment Shinji thinks her eyes catch his, and he shrinks back into his room, closes the door carefully, buries his face in his hands and tries to breathe.

Something lodges in his throat and chokes him, a hard ball of fear and sympathy and disgust; it drives tears to his eyes, so he bites his knuckles and prays into the shadows until her sounds fade away.


	58. more than this

I'm shocked that people are still reading this. It really warms my heart, you guys. You have no idea. This took a long time, but, eh, college, nano, crushed soul, &c.

)(statues and limitations)(

Out by the shore there's nothing around for miles, just bare stretches of sand and sea, save for the towering statue of a headless angel, and the small puddle of vomit beside it. A few feet away, Shinji wipes his mouth with shaking hands and collapses onto the ground.

The monstrous stone taunts him, so he rolls to his other side even as bile creeps up his throat. Shinji takes care to keep his eyes always open, until the pain of their dryness drives him to blink, because tattooed on his eyelids is a face, a smile, a pair of red eyes and his huge purple palm wrapped around a small body, made of flesh and bone like him, not twisted and monstrous. Not like the others. No, not a monster.

He can't go back to Tokyo-3, can't sit in an apartment with Misato, across a table from her, who had dared to say "he deserved to die." She hadn't even looked Shinji in the eyes when she said that. He can't go back to NERV headquarters and see Ritsuko, who knew all along, or his father, who brought this all down upon their heads. But most of all he cannot face Rei, who he knows now saved him, because she is so much like the dead angel.

There is nothing there for him. There never was, but now, he knows it. All he has is the expanse of sand and the ruined statue, the dripping hues of the sun into the water. All of these things will outlast him, at least. He is tired of fragile things, of living things, of his mother and the angel, and, against his will he also thinks of a girl in a bed, her red hair fanned out against the pillow, too bright for the room.

She, too, is gone from him.

There is nothing.

)(end)(


	59. positive and negative

Fast updates. Maybe a bad drabble? I don't know, finals are hard.

)(weights and measures)(

She loves him. She is beautiful. She is brilliant. She understands what wakes him in the middle of the night and holds him, not because she is kind, but because it wakes her, too.

She is cruel, and she is angry, and she hates him, in a little way, for everything that happened so long ago. She fears emotion, she will not say she loves him, and will not let him say it in return. They fight, huge screaming matches that have neighbors running.

But she loves him.

And that is all that matters.

)(end)(


	60. missing pages

I honestly can't believe I've kept this up for 60 drabbles. Go team me. Enjoy.

)(aftermathematica)(

After everything is over and the dust has settled around NERV, there's a lot of paperwork to do. Somehow, Misato ends up having to take most of it home, probably because Gendo vanished and took Fuyutsuki with him, since the two of them were too deeply involved to avoid some sort of conviction, and, well, that left Misato. The paper filled the apartment, covered every table and had even started to migrate to the bathroom, where Misato would lazily fill questionnaires about staff treatment while taking a bubble bath.

She kept one set of forms complete separate from the other, neatly organized in a little folder in her bedroom. In addition to the request for information on Kaji's death, which, after a few days she decided to burn, the folder housed every scrap of paperwork regarding the children. She filled out their basic information: name, birth date, age, height, weight, year in school. After that, well, she didn't know.

Toji's form she considered filling out; she barely knew the boy, and he had nothing worth hiding. But the others', well, Kaworu's form doesn't even have a name. She and Ritsuko, as soon as they could, went back over everything and erased him from existence. Shinji still won't talk to her. She tries, Misato does, to understand Shinji's devotion to the boy, but she can't. It is alien and fragile, a glowing flower in the distance.

His fascination with Rei is dark and twisted and therefore like second nature to Misato. She ignores Rei's form for much the same reason she destroyed Kaworu's, much the same reason Shinji tracks her with his eyes when he thinks no one watches. She leaves Shinji's form at the bottom of the pile because she loves him like a son and a brother and a cracked male mirror, and she can't bear to let anyone repair him.

It's Asuka's form she photocopies and starts to fill out, just once, because Asuka is, well, she's human and, yes, troubled, but that can all be attributed to her mother's suicide if Misato words the thing right, and that can't be pinned on NERV. The woman's marriage isn't their fault. But she can't quite bring herself to; she's not that jealous of Kaji's little attentions, actually, as much as she would like to be, in this aftermath where she feels next to nothing. But somehow she feels someone needs to take the fall. Someone.

It's just that, even if she maybe could do this to Asuka, and that's a huge maybe, a question mark hovering over the girl's red hair, she can't do this to Shinji. If Asuka goes, and she will go if Misato fills out the form: name, age, vitals, education, psychiatric history, Shinji will be alone. Misato wants to tell him no, she is here, she will stay with him, but that's not what he wants. Asuka is all he wants, all he has left.

And she can't take that from him.

)(end)(


	61. this is your life

_Dear Shinji,_

A love letter.

_Dear Shinji,_

Written in shaky cursive, almost too light to be read, at least in this light. (The lamp in his room is dying, he knows. He will replace the bulb, eventually.) The letters flow together, English because everyone speaks English now, it seems, but no one actually does, not really. The twin dots of the 'j' and the 'i' stare up at him, the wide loop of the 'h' is an embrace he longs to fall into.

_Dear Shinji,_

_I_

hope that you are well. Am coming to visit soon, work takes me by (though I don't work, and you know that). Am planning a trip there, just to see you. Miss you. Love you.

_am doing fine. I haven't heard from you so I assume you are as well. Everything here_

drives me crazy so I am leaving soon and coming to live with you. Reminds me of you. Makes me long for you.

_is in order. The Anniversary is coming up soon. Maybe_

we should do something for it. Spend it together. Celebrate it together.

_Maya or Misato will set something up. I don't know. That's all I wanted to say. __Please_

write back. Tell me how you are. Come back to me.

_-Asuka_


	62. fly away

I don't know if anyone is still reading this, three years after I last updated and eight (?!) years since I stared, but if you are, I love and appreciate you so much. I was 14 when this started, and now I'm about to graduate college and start grad school. I have a lot of feelings about this, esp. re: this fic, but I'll save it for later. Enjoy!

)(wounded bird)(

When Asuka is most alone—she always feels alone in one way or another, but when she is totally alone, when the apartment is dark and quiet and her own breathing is something alien, that is when she feels the weight of it all—she lies on her stomach and presses her face into her pillow and tries to force her shoulder blades out of her body. If she could grow wings, she thinks, she could escape. There isn't any other way.

Her mother's way is not her way, though Asuka has traced a million invisible nooses with her shaking fingers. And her mother never really made it out anyway; NERV has always kept their dead, Asuka knows. She won't let them have her like that. As long as she breathes she can belong to herself a little, and that is her only consolation. She guards herself jealously, won't let any of the techs even look at her for too long when she passes them in the hallway. When she's performing, and Asuka is almost always performing, then they can look all they want, but when she is alone, she is alone and she is her own.

She thought, once, that Misato understood, but Misato is as much an enigma as her colleagues. Asuka can imagine her, rooms over, smiling in her sleep. Maybe she dreams of Kaji, Asuka thinks, and feels her face grow hot against the pillowcase. Kaji had been— Kaji had, for a moment, made her feel at home in herself and at the same time completely free, but Kaji was a grounded man, made of earth and stone. He had never dreamed of wings.

She works her shoulders harder, rolls them faster as though they can wear through her flesh, as though something grows there that will set her free.

She remembers Shinji, sitting with his head down. She asks him, her remembered self brighter and darker at the same time, about dead mothers, and Evangelions, and what we owe the dead. He doesn't look at her as he answers. Shinji never looks at her. He never looks at anyone.

It doesn't matter, he says to her, and Asuka snorts. It doesn't, he says again. I know my father. A lie, Asuka thinks, but then Shinji says, And there is no escape for us.

She rolls onto her back, and starts to cry.

)(end)(


	63. little red bird

Thank you to everyone who reviewed/followed this fic after the last update! This is the flipside of the last drabble.

)(sisyphus)(

Shinji can't sleep. This isn't unusual; he only sleeps well after their hardest days, and even then he wakes shuddering and sore. He can only take so much of the slow, crushing darkness, though, before he spirals down into the most vicious parts of himself. Asuka is awake, he knows; he heard her ragged breathing on his way back from the kitchen. When she sleeps she is strangely calm. They are all strangely still in sleep, Shinji thinks, for what they have seen.

She would never come to him, even though she hates this as much as he does. Shinji knows Asuka better than either of them would like to admit, because he sees in her the same fear, the same wounds. He could go to her, maybe, and she would not turn him away. There is nothing she hates more than to be left by the wayside. Shinji never could, though, no matter how much he tried to hate her. She is a strange red bird lodged in his chest where a heart could be, but how could he ever tell her that? Words mean very little to them, in the end.

He should go to her. The cadence of her breathing had been that of sobs. She would not have him, he knows, underneath everything else. He is so tired of being alone. He is too tired for this. Shinji imagines Asuka's red-rimmed eyes, and her trembling shoulders, but he cannot be moved. The little bird in his chest flutters its wings and he still cannot be moved. There is a rock there, too, impossibly heavy. Probably, it will crush the bird one day. Shinji is not an idiot, he knows how this ends, and it ends badly, and there is no way out.


	64. if you

This is the longest piece in the series by a LONG SHOT. I thought about posting it as a separate story but that seemed like work. Love you all!

)(the remains of the day)(

Shinji and Asuka end up going to university together, even though Asuka insists she's just doing it for fun, since, after all, she already earned her degree in Germany. They drift apart, slowly. No one really knows who they are; their NERV records were never released to the public, since they were minors. Shinji finds people who like to spend time with him, and he learns to smile. Asuka stays blindingly angry, until one day she goes too far, and then there's therapy and she starts to soften around the edges.

They make sure to spend a few days together, no matter what: their birthdays, the anniversaries of the Impacts, all the death-days that made them who they are. Sometimes they email each other ridiculous articles about NERV. It's been years, but the agency still pops up in the news, sometimes. Shinji has gotten used to seeing his father's face in the newspapers. Luckily, he's always been his mother's son, so no one picks up on the fact that they're related. For the first time in a long time, he feels good. He feels almost free.

Everything goes wrong at the beginning of their fourth year. Shinji is at the bar with some of his friends, celebrating their status as seniors, when the news comes on. Shinji barely pays attention at first, but then he hears the words "found dead" and "Tokyo-3" and he looks up and it's her face staring back.

Rei.

He chokes out, "Ayanami?" but no one hears him.

She had stayed behind, at NERV. Her whole life was there, she told Shinji, and then she had touched his cheek and told him not to worry. He knows instantly that it's suicide, no matter what the reporter goes on to say about suspects, and evidence, and NERV. He gets unbelievably drunk, and falls asleep as soon as he gets home.

There isn't anything new for a few days, and Shinji thinks maybe that's all there is. Asuka doesn't say anything to him about it, but he hadn't expected her to. One of his classmates mentions Rei briefly, and Shinji's stomach churns. He can still remember how warm she had been beneath him, how strange and how still. Had she ever been happy?

He tries to put her out of his mind, but then the news breaks.

Shinji doesn't read any of the articles, leaves the room when the news comes on or someone brings her up, but he can't escape, in the end. He and his friends are out, again, and someone brings it up. He can't leave without drawing attention to himself, so Shinji just focuses on making himself as small as possible. He has a lifetime's worth of experience in being ignored.

As far as he can gather, this is what happened: The autopsy, of course, revealed that Rei was no entirely human. Her connection to NERV was no secret, and the authorities had used her death as an excuse to finally get their hands on all of NERV's secrets. Shinji was shocked at how much had been kept after the Angels had been defeated, but he was the only person who had really and truly believed that they were gone forever. He ignores a lot of what they say, but he hears them talking about the Rei clones, and then he hears his mother's name. Shinji is used to pretending he has no idea who Gendo is, but not Yui. Her name produces a visceral reaction in him: his head snaps up, his hands start to shake. They aren't even saying anything bad about her. Mostly they're just making sympathetic noises and wondering what other secrets NERV could be hiding from the world, what other atrocities are buried in Tokyo-3. The thought makes Shinji want to laugh as much as puke.

He can't take it, so he stands abruptly and starts to leave.

"Oi," one of his friends shouts, "Ikari!"

The group falls silent as Shinji turns around. He can see them putting the pieces together in their heads: his name, how quiet he is about his past, his face and Yui's together.

Finally one girl asks, "Wait, Ikari, is that?" She stops, and Shinji graciously waits for her to start again. He doesn't think his legs are working properly, anyway. "Ikari, is that, is she your mother?"

Tears fill his eyes, unbidden. His lips form the answer but there is no sound. He runs.

Shinji doesn't leave his apartment for three days. He gets dozens of texts and emails, all asking if he's ok, all apologizing. Some of them have more questions, questions about his mom and his dad and, obviously, the giant robots. Shinji deletes all of them. He falls asleep with the TV on, too tired to run from Rei's blank eyes any longer.

He wakes up on the couch with Asuka standing over him.

"Idiot!"

"What?" Shinji's not quite awake yet, but he feels pretty confident that she has no reason to be yelling at him.

"Why are you hiding in your apartment?"

He doesn't say anything to that. It's a stupid question and she knows it, too.

Asuka sits down on the couch and shifts his head into her lap. "Idiot," she says again, but softer.

"She killed herself," Shinji says.

"No one will believe that," Asuka snorts, but then she sobers up. "But yes."

"Do you think they'll find out about us?"

"So what if they do?"

"I don't know," Shinji admits. "I wanted to forget about it, you know, forever."

"Yeah," Asuka chuckles. "Don't we all."

"But now Rei's gone, and Toji's gone and Kaworu," he trails off. Asuka hates Kaworu.

"There's just us left," Asuka says. Her voice is too flat for Shinji to figure out what she means. He waits, and her fingers card through his hair.

"I don't think we can forget," she says. She speaks slowly, carefully. Shinji can't help but marvel at how changed she is, and yet how unchanged. "So we might as well own it."

"I don't want people to know," Shinji replies. He doesn't. He hates the idea of people looking at him and knowing what he had done, what had been done to him. He doesn't want to always be visible. He wants the choice of vanishing. "I just don't want to be alone."

"Idiot," Asuka sighs. "You're not alone."

Her hands are warm and soothing, Shinji thinks.

"If there's me, and if there's you…" she says. He doesn't reply.

"If there's me and you," Asuka says again, and Shinji sits up.

"If I stay," and he knows immediately what she means, "and if you stay…"

He kisses her, then.

When they pull apart she smiles, bright and wild.

"Then we won't be alone."


End file.
